Since my last post (over a year ago, my bad) life has strolled on. I have since become a Nana. October 16, 2010 to be exact. My daughter gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy. I watched him come into this world, squalling before he was completely out of the hatch. I find it hard to believe he is almost a year old already. He owns me, of course:)
But there was a rough patch in September after I went in and got my C.A.P CT scan (c.a.p stands for chest abdomen and pelvis).
Scan day is extremely stressful for many of us cancer types. Waiting for the results are the worst, but I'd had clear scans before so I kept my emotions pretty stable. I shouldn't have bothered.
My oncologist called me a couple days later while I was in the office at work. There were new spots on both my lungs. Two on my right lung and one on my left. I suddenly couldn't breath very well. She went on to tell me the spots were too small to biopsy so I would have to wait three months to get scanned again to see if they would grow. Now I really can't breath. I'm too busy hyperventilating and bawling. I tell my boss April and her assistant Linda. Their eyes mirrored my horror and fear. April asked me if I wanted to go home but i declined. I was going to some favorite facilities and I hoped they would keep my mind off from planning my memorial. It was a thought anyway, but it didn't work very well. I was crafty though, and no one caught me having meltdowns in the shower rooms. No one knew something was going on with me.
In the meantime, Dr. Zon, my oncologist, sent me to a pulminologist who confirmed I would have to wait three months to be rescanned. He did send me out to have some blood work done to check for mold in my system. Great! I thought maybe I'm just moldy! Nope.
Those three months were horrible. Not knowing is worse than knowing. Is it back? How much time do I have? And then I'm planning my memorial again. No use fighting it, let the mind go where it needs, no matter how morbid, just to get it out of your system. For a while, anyways.
Finally scan day arrives. Very close to my birthday. And Christmas I'm thinking; 'happy birthday AND Merry Christmas, you have stage IV colon cancer! Better get busy on your bucket list!
Two nurse friends went in with me. Thankfully the news was good. One spot was gone and two were smaller. I couldn't even feel happy. It was very odd. Feeling happy came later of course, but at that moment I just couldn't feel anything but the same numb panicky feeling I'd had for the past three months. Dr. Zon wanted me to go in in another three months for another scan but I declined. It was going to take me awhile to recover from the previous three months. I didn't want to think of cancer or anything related to it for a long time.
But here it is September 2011, and I'm overdue for my C.A.P CT scan. And my colonoscopy. I know I should not put them off but the memory of those three months are still in my head and my stomach knots up just thinking of it.
I'll get them done eventually.
But there was a rough patch in September after I went in and got my C.A.P CT scan (c.a.p stands for chest abdomen and pelvis).
Scan day is extremely stressful for many of us cancer types. Waiting for the results are the worst, but I'd had clear scans before so I kept my emotions pretty stable. I shouldn't have bothered.
My oncologist called me a couple days later while I was in the office at work. There were new spots on both my lungs. Two on my right lung and one on my left. I suddenly couldn't breath very well. She went on to tell me the spots were too small to biopsy so I would have to wait three months to get scanned again to see if they would grow. Now I really can't breath. I'm too busy hyperventilating and bawling. I tell my boss April and her assistant Linda. Their eyes mirrored my horror and fear. April asked me if I wanted to go home but i declined. I was going to some favorite facilities and I hoped they would keep my mind off from planning my memorial. It was a thought anyway, but it didn't work very well. I was crafty though, and no one caught me having meltdowns in the shower rooms. No one knew something was going on with me.
In the meantime, Dr. Zon, my oncologist, sent me to a pulminologist who confirmed I would have to wait three months to be rescanned. He did send me out to have some blood work done to check for mold in my system. Great! I thought maybe I'm just moldy! Nope.
Those three months were horrible. Not knowing is worse than knowing. Is it back? How much time do I have? And then I'm planning my memorial again. No use fighting it, let the mind go where it needs, no matter how morbid, just to get it out of your system. For a while, anyways.
Finally scan day arrives. Very close to my birthday. And Christmas I'm thinking; 'happy birthday AND Merry Christmas, you have stage IV colon cancer! Better get busy on your bucket list!
Two nurse friends went in with me. Thankfully the news was good. One spot was gone and two were smaller. I couldn't even feel happy. It was very odd. Feeling happy came later of course, but at that moment I just couldn't feel anything but the same numb panicky feeling I'd had for the past three months. Dr. Zon wanted me to go in in another three months for another scan but I declined. It was going to take me awhile to recover from the previous three months. I didn't want to think of cancer or anything related to it for a long time.
But here it is September 2011, and I'm overdue for my C.A.P CT scan. And my colonoscopy. I know I should not put them off but the memory of those three months are still in my head and my stomach knots up just thinking of it.
I'll get them done eventually.
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hi I'm nature sprites daughter, candace.If anybody reads Cindy's blog's,i most deeply regret to inform her readers that in February she was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer and then passed away in April.
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